Just an Arrow Necklace
by Luvya2103
Summary: The story behind the arrow necklace and why Natasha hurts when Clint enquires who gave it to her. The thing is, he gave it to her and he doesn't remember it, and probably never will. ClintxNat Post A:AoU Clintasha, OneShot
1. Chapter 1

A/N: It's been quite a while since I've posted anything but, look tbh, I watched Age of Ultron and was absolutely shattered that Clintasha was never going to be a thing and in my sadness I came up with this. I'm also writing a longer piece about the two but I thought I'd start off with this for now.

So I hope you enjoy! Please R&R!

Also, for added affects listen to **Stay- Jorge Mendez** , it's a lovely piano piece that's quite sad.

He'd asked her one day, after he'd caught her slipping it on innocuously on the way home from one of their missions.

'What's with the necklace?' He looked at her cautiously, not knowing how she would take him prying into her belongings. After his accident on their mission after the battle of New York, she'd been distant from him, instead taking as many missions as she could with Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers whilst Laura helped him recover.

She froze, tensing up visibly before realising her reaction and slipping into the fake, cool and calm persona she often wore when she was uncomfortable, 'A …friend gave it to me as a gag.'

'Oh really?'

'Yes.' She snapped at him before turning away, as if recoiling from his mere presence.

He frowned at her behaviour and watched her for the remainder of the trip back to base, he'd never seen her like this in all the time he'd known her.

Little did he know Natasha was falling apart on the inside at his mere mention of the necklace, and the meaning behind it. It was probably her most precious belonging, and it hurt so much that Clint didn't even remember giving it to her that she didn't know how much longer she could hold it together.

As soon as they got back to base, she sprang out of her seat and ran off as soon as she could. Clint went to follow but hesitated, knowing Laura and the kids were waiting at home for him to eat dinner, he reminded himself he'd catch up with her later.

She crashed through the door to her on-base cabin and could barely stop herself from shaking so she slipped her dirty cat suit off her and switched the water to her shower on, falling down to curl into a ball under the scolding hot water, no longer containing her sobs.

 _It was early in the morning and Clint and her were strolling along 5_ _th_ _Avenue, New York City, comfortably chatting in the aftermath of the battle against Loki's army. Clint was still struggling with the weight-of-the-world on his shoulders, blaming himself for the killings he made under Loki's command and Natasha was doing her best to try and help him through it._

 _They were walking past Tiffany and Co when Natasha spotted a necklace, pausing briefly as the pair strolled by one of the large window displays. Clint looked back at her confused and she giggled, 'What're you laughing at?'_

 _'Imagine if we wore friendship necklaces, Tony would chuck the biggest hissy fit that he's not included in our spy gang.'_

 _Clint snorted, 'That's very professional.'_

 _They continued on their walk, Natasha forgetting all about what she'd seen but Clint kept it in mind for later._

 _He knew she didn't sleep when they were separated._

 _They no longer kept up the façade that they slept in separate bedrooms, and the other Avengers had pretended to be oblivious to the two agents sneaking out of each other's bedrooms in the morning._

 _Clint had taken the initiative after the Battle to tell Natasha how he felt about her, taking a big leap in their partnership, but he couldn't believe it when she'd suddenly tackled him onto the bed, kissing him passionately on the lips, murmuring, 'What took you so long?'_

 _They'd been living blissfully at Stark Tower since then, relishing in the extended break SHIELD had given them which was plenty of time for them to sort out their relationship and…to get to know one another even better._

 _But the honeymoon phase couldn't last forever and soon SHIELD had them doing solo missions to get them back up to speed._

 _He'd come back from a long camp-out mission in Somalia to find Steve holding Natasha tentatively on his lap while she slept through_ The Lion King _and Steve quickly explained how Natasha hadn't slept in 2 days whilst Clint was gone, and had only gotten to sleep once people were surrounding her._

 _Clint had scooped her up into his arms and Natasha had instantly snuggled further into his embrace as he led them into his room, tucking her into his bed before quickly stripping and joining her, pulling her into his arms._

 _'Tash?'_

 _'Hmm?' She looked up from her book to see Clint standing awkwardly next to their/his bed with his hands behind her back._

 _He sat down on the bed beside her and pulled out a small box out. Natasha hurriedly went to object but Clint gave her a stern look and interrupted her, 'It's not what you think!'_

 _He waited until she'd calmed down a little before continuing, 'Look, I know you haven't been sleeping very well whilst I'm gone and I wanted to give you something that would help remind you that I'm always with you no matter what.' He handed the small box to her and watched nervously as she slowly undid the neat white bow and removed the lid to unveil the small arrow necklace she'd spotted in the window._

 _She smiled up at him brightly and bit her lip and he motioned for her to turn around. She turned silently and he reached the necklace around her to clasp it, 'Tash, you know that I love you, I just want this to be a reminder of how much you mean to me. And for you to know that even though I might be half way around the world, I'd much rather be with you. So whenever you feel lonely, you'll still have your Hawk right near your heart.' He'd been the first one of the two to say those three little words and suddenly Natasha didn't know why she was holding back anymore._

 _'I love you too.' She blurted out._

 _He gasped a little bit, before springing onto her, tackling her backwards, adorning her with kisses that made her laugh, more happy than she'd been in a long time._

 _'CLINT!' She was almost hysterical as she tore through the base to the medical centre, after receiving word that he'd nearly died after falling almost four storeys out of a window._

 _She ran to his bedside and cringed at the sight of him, tubes coming out everywhere and his arm in a sling. His head was bandaged up and she knew it wasn't good._

 _'Miss Romanoff-' One of the doctors tried to move her away._

 _'Don't TOUCH me!'_

 _'Romanoff, back off.' Fury stood behind her and she turned sharply to stare her boss down._

 _Fury looked at a loss of words before he continued, his voice considerably softer than before, 'Romanoff, you need to calm down, Barton has suffered substantial brain damage, especially to his hippocampus, and is suspected to have some memory-loss or amnesia on his awakening.'_

 _Natasha was at a loss for words, in shock as she tried to process what was happening, 'What?'_

 _Fury hesitated before continuing, 'The doctors are doing everything they can but the brain is a fickle thing to fix. He is in a medically induced coma so they're saying he won't be awake for at least another week or so. I think it'd be best for you to go home for a while and then come when the doctor's call.'_

 _Natasha didn't have any words to express herself and instead pushed past Fury and settled herself beside Clint, holding his cold, limp hand between her own. Fury sighed as he watched on before turning on his heel and striding out of the room._

 _She sat there for hours on end, only leaving once she was forcefully taken from his room by Thor and carried back to the Tower to get some rest. It was lonely in their bedroom, but at least no one could hear her crying herself to sleep._

 _A week later, Natasha received word that Clint had woken up and she quickly changed before rushing to the hospital._

 _As she strode into his room, she saw him talking to one of the nurses and she frowned slightly before knocking on the door, alerting them of her presence._

 _'Nat!'_

 _She felt her heart leap in her chest and had to physically restrain herself from tackling him down with kisses, 'Hey.'_

 _'I'm not contagious, get over here.'_

 _She rolled her eyes before slowly approaching him and taking the seat next to his bed._

 _'So, how're you feeling?'_

 _'Like I got hit by a truck.' She chuckled, so glad to hear him joking around again, scared she would never hear it ever again._

 _They were silent as she tried to gage how he was, 'So, how much do you remember?'_

 _'Well, I talked with one of our handlers and we went through some of our mission reports and I apparently remember everything right up until a mission simply known as Budapest? Apparently there was a big explosion then and I've forgotten everything since then, which is really unsettling, considering that's two years of my life forgotten.'_

 _She sucked in a sharp breath, trying not to alert Clint that anything was wrong as he rambled on,_ Breathe girl, we can get through this, it could be worse, he could've not even known who you were, hell, he doesn't even know who the Avengers are. You can do this for him.

 _'-apparently, well Laura was telling me,-'_

 _She was confused, having spaced out in panic, 'Wait who?'_

 _Clint grinned, raising his eyebrows suggestively, 'The hot nurse I was talking to before. She's great. I caught her staring at my abs, so I asked her out and made her blush which was kinda cute. Anyway, she's was saying how memory loss can-' He trailed off as he watched her tense up, looking as if someone had just sucker-punched her in the stomach, 'Tash? You ok?'_

 _The reality of the situation had hit her and she felt like someone had reached into her and was squeezing her heart, her hands were shaking. She'd lost so much in her life already and the one moment of happiness that life had allowed her had been torn from her in an instant._

 _She couldn't even form the right words so instead, forced a smile and nodded enthusiastically and motioned for him to continue. He continued on with his thoughts about where does she think he should take Laura to for their first date and with every word, Natasha felt her heart break just a little bit more each time._

 _After excusing herself quickly from Clint, she'd rushed to his doctor and hurriedly asked them about how she could help him to remember. They'd informed her sadly that his brain tests were showing significant damage and that any stimulus could blow the rest of his memory out and they told her that he was not to be pushed until he started to show better physical vitals._

 _She stood in shock for a moment as the doctor left her standing in the hallway, it finally had dawned on her that she'd possibly lost her Clint forever. She subconsciously clutched the necklace he'd given her and she made her way into one of the hospital bathroom stalls and exploded into tears, her body shaking uncontrollably. She kept repeating to herself in disbelief, 'He doesn't remember us, he doesn't remember us.'_

 _After she'd finally calmed down, she washed her face and put on her strongest face and made her way back to Clint's room, but came to a halt as she saw the nurse that Clint had been raving on about, Laura, sitting where Natasha had sat at his bedside, laughing at something Clint had said, Clint with a proud smile on his face. Natasha's whole demeanour had dropped and her emotions were falling apart. He didn't remember them, what they had, how much they really meant to each other. At his moment in time, they were partners who were slowly becoming friends, nothing more. It had taken so much of her to open up to him and she knows deep inside she don't think she could ever repeat that._

 _He was no longer hers anymore._

 _In a broken stupor, Natasha had decided to walk the whole way from the SHIELD base to the Stark tower, a good two and a half hour walk, and she stared blankly straight in front of her the whole time, not noticing when people bumped into her._

 _Clint was the only person she'd ever really opened up to, and now he didn't even remember all those precise moments she held dear to her heart. She could feel all her protective walls that Clint had so meticulously brought down over the past couple of years start to build themselves up again as she found no reason to keep them down. Her mind was blank of thought, not knowing what to do._

 _She passed by a liquor store and purchased four bottles of the most potent vodka they had, drowning herself in the liquid before she reached the tower._

 _After she arrived, taking the elevator up to the lobby, the doors opened and she saw them all sitting there nervously and she groaned, her drunken mind acknowledging that this wasn't going to turn out good._

 _She took one step out of the elevator before her leg gave out on itself and she feel to the ground. Bruce and Steve immediately came to her side, Steve scooping her up off the ground even though she thrashed wildly, shouting for him to put her down._

 _He placed her on the coach and they sat around her nervously. She dropped her head into one of her hands and held the last half empty bottle in her other hand. It was only then that she really payed attention to what she looked like. Her t-shirt (which was Clint's but she'd stolen it) was drenched from the rain she'd walked through but didn't even notice and her shoes were gone, which had left her feet dirty and rough from her long walk. Her hair was all over the place and she knew her face was all puffy from crying._

 _Steve was hesitant before he whispered, 'We know.'_

 _With that, she broke down, for the first time ever in front of a large group of people. No one moved to comfort her and she was glad. No one could help her right now, not with this. It was a different type of pain and she knew she had to deal with it herself._

 _They were all silent for a long time before she murmured out loud, 'He can never know.'_

 _They waited for her to elaborate, 'I know you all knew about him and I, but now,' She took a shaky breath in, 'he's already moved on and he will probably never remember what happened here. Anyway, he's better off without me.'_

 _Bruce looked at her with a shocked expression, 'Why?'_

 _'Because I can't have kids! I could see it in his eyes, Clint has always wanted a family but thanks to the freaking Red Room I'm sterile! I can never give Clint what he wants, I was just someone holding him back.'_

 _'But he loves you-'_

 _'Loved! He loved, as in used to.' Tears were streaming down her face._

 _She chugged back some more vodka before continuing, 'He now has the chance to finally be happy with someone who he truly deserves.'_

 _They all knew that she wasn't going to listen to what they said and she continued, 'The doctor said that any stimulus right now could cause more damage. I've had time to think about it and I've decided it was for the best anyway, these things don't last, I don't know why I expected to get a happy ending anyway.' She looked up at the men around her, 'I loved him. I still love him, but he will never be my Clint. I will probably always love him and that's why I have to let him go. This never leaves this room. You will never tell him of anything I've said.'_

 _They were all silent and she stood up solemnly and made her way into his room, slamming the door behind her and crawling onto the centre of his bed, breathing in his scent and promptly burst into tears._

 _The weeks following were tough and the team had barely seen her leave Clint's room until one day, they'd seen her emerging from his room with a pile of his clothes and a couple of belongings, some of them his, some of them hers, and watched as she'd strode into her room dumped it onto her bed and slammed the door behind her. They never mentioned the incident ever._

She turned the shower off and retrieved her towel from the rack. Wordlessly she dried herself before opening her bathroom door and striding to her drawers and retrieving Clint's- _her_ old Rolling Stones t-shirt that was too big for her and flopping onto her bed, her hair still damp from the shower.

She laid on her back and took a shaky breath, all the while clutching the arrow necklace to her heart, trying not to think of all the painful memories: Clint introducing her to Laura, Clint asking her how she thinks he should propose to Laura, Clint telling her they were engaged, Clint and Laura asking her to be their Maid of Honour, watching Clint smile down at Laura at their wedding, Clint excitedly telling her that Laura was pregnant, Clint asking if she could be the Godmother of his kids.

It hurt.

It had been five years since his memory loss and none of it had ever come back. And not a day goes by when she doesn't think of the way he kissed her, the way he held her tightly.

The way he loved her.

Now, all she had left to show for their brief moment was a couple of photographs, a note he'd left on her bedside table one morning saying:

 _Gone for a run to get bagels._

 _And yes I'll get you one with cheese._

 _I love you._

 _Your Clint xx_

And the arrow necklace.

She wore it everywhere she could. She honestly tried to move on but she couldn't. Clint teased her mercilessly that she would end up as an old cat lady and she honestly tried to laugh along but she couldn't. Whenever he made a remark about it in front of any of the others, they always stepped in to defend her, knowing how much even to this day that she was hurting, watching him live the life they could've.

She kissed the necklace as she did every night, and whispered in Russian, 'I love you too my Hawk.'

 _A/N: I really hoped you like it, I found this really sad to write as I was in shock when I found out about Clint's family._

 _ **UPDATE:** Some people have expressed interest in me doing a follow up piece to this and I thought about it and I have a rough idea of what I could do, if you're interested review or PM me, should I do a seperate 'sequel' oneshot or just a next chapter?_

 _C xx_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I know, I listed the story as 'complete' but soo many people messaged me saying to continue on with it and an idea popped into my head so I'm going to do a couple more chapters... I hope you like it

The song to listen to for this chapter that always makes me cry is **Pictures of You- Angie Hart** ( watch?v=QoqpBOXCzgY), it was used in a very sad drunk driving ad in Australia and if you have a chance, go search it up on YouTube, it really gives depth to the song.

Please R&R, it really means a lot to me :)

* * *

Clint had invited her for dinner at the farmhouse and she grudgingly accepted, knowing that Clint would pester her until she did. She turned off her car engine and sat for a moment in silence, staring up at the farmhouse which was softly illuminated by the setting sun. Every time she came her, it served as a cold reminder of the life she gave up and it was lucky than she'd become so accustomed to putting on a happy mask, because she knew no normal person would be able to still be friends with Clint after all the emotional trauma he'd caused her, unknowingly.

She locked her vehicle and slowly made her way up the small garden path, preparing herself mentally for the evening. As she stepped up the rickety wooden steps onto the deck, she took a deep breath, once again suppressing all the memories she so desperately wanted to move on from as they were too painful to deal with.

As she reached up to knock on the door, it swung up to reveal Clint's daughter beaming up at her with a toothless grin.

'AUNTIE NAT!'

She put on a brave smile and braced herself as the small girl launched herself into her arms. She hugged the girl tightly, rubbing her back, 'Hey baby Barton, how's my favourite girl?'

As the girl continued to tell her 'auntie' about kindergarten, Natasha swallowed the huge lump of emotions in her throat and carried the small girl through the door, spotting Clint emerging from the kitchen to greet her.

'Oi monkey, Auntie Nat is not a tree.' He quickly grabbed the girl off of his partner, tickling her sides and she squealed before wriggling out of his arms and running away.

Clint looked up at her, shooting her a grin and Natasha swears something inside her heart just died a little, 'Hey Nat, how're you doing?' He leant forward and placed a familiar kiss on her cheek before motioning her towards the kitchen, continuing to tell her about how obnoxious this weeks paperwork for their mission was and how it took hours to complete.

She slowly lifted a hand to brush her fingertips where his lips had been moments ago, feeling her heart beating fast in her chest, trying to convince herself that his affect on her had long since been dissolved, with no luck.

He turned to look at her and she quickly dropped her hand and hurried to catch with him, putting her famous emotionless mask in place.

They came to the kitchen and Natasha spotted Laura teaching their son how to cook pasta, a dish towel through carelessly over her shoulder. It had been years since the two had met but Natasha still held a silent grudge against the women, not because she wasn't nice, more because she had everything Natasha had ever wanted, and still wanted.

Laura looked up at the pair smiling, 'Hey Nat, dinner will be ready soon,' She turned to rub her son's cheek with amused affection, 'just teaching someone how to cook, which is taking a bit longer than I expected.'

'Mum!'

Laura chuckled before turning to Nicole, 'Darling, go wash your hands before dinner and then come back to help set the table.'

Nicole rolled her eyes, 'Yes mum.'

Clint chuckled besides her and Natasha turned to whisper to him, 'She's definitely your daughter.'

He sent a bemused grin at her before nudging her shoulder, 'Come on, I've got something for you.'

She raised an eyebrow before silently following him up the staircase.

They entered his spare bedroom and he made his way over to the closet, and she situated herself on the bed she used whenever she had to stay the night.

'So I found this box of stuff from when we moved from my old place in June, I just chucked a bunch of stuff in here that I didn't have time to sort out 'cause I left everything to the last minute as usual,' she grinned at the thought and watch him curiously as he reached up to the top shelf and heaved the cardboard box onto the ground at the base of the bed before continuing, 'and I found a bunch of stuff from before my accident.' He gently emptied the box of its contents and Natasha slid onto the floor beside him to look at the things inside.

Natasha looked over them hesitantly as Clint continued on, 'I grabbed a couple of things that were familiar, my notebook, some old ticket stubs, mementos from my childhood, but I found this and don't quite remember why I had it and thought you might know.' He lifted a small tin box from the bigger box and handed it to her.

She took it into her hands and gently lifted the lid to see what was inside, taking a sharp breath when she did.

Little did Clint know, but this tin box held mementos of Natasha and his brief but passionate relationship; everything from ticket stubs from the carnival date to the pressed flower she'd jokingly given to him on one of their missions where they'd been stranded at a deserted flower shop. She felt her heart leap into her throat as she inspected each item, amazed that Clint had kept each of these.

Clint watched her curiously, 'So what are they?'

She swallowed before answering in a small voice, 'Just things I gave you over the years.'

He was silent before reaching into his pocket and retrieving a small black velvet from the cardboard box, 'I also found this.' He opened the box to reveal a small silver ring with a square cut diamond on it. Natasha hands were shaking as she gently took the small box from him and cradled it in her hands, on the brink of tears.

'Nat, was I in a relationship with anyone that I should know about? Because if that's what I think it is then I should probably know about it.'

 _The ring was her. She just knew it was meant for her._

She took a shaky breath. They'd been together for 6 months, and she hadn't expected Clint to ask her to marry her. She'd always thought one of them would be killed in action before they'd had the chance and now, well, one of them may as well have been.

'Not that I know of.'

He hummed in response placing the ring in front of her, 'Well, you may as well keep it, I don't need it.'

She felt her heart break at his innocent words, closing her eyes in pain.

 _If only he knew_.

'Oh, there's a bunch of photos at the bottom of the tin you might want. They're of us, I don't know who took them but I'm suspecting Coulson. I grabbed a couple to put up on the mantle but I thought you might like the rest.'

She said nothing, knowing her voice would betray her if she did. She faintly heard Laura calling them to dinner but knew she would never be able to make it through the meal without crying. She hastily picked up the velvet box and the larger tin box before saying a hasty goodbye to Clint, ignoring his protests to stay, bolted out of the room and ran down the stairs, throwing a hurried apology, lying that Fury had called her and she was needed at base before running out the front door.

She ignored Clint's shouts as he tried to catch up to her but she was too quick, unlatching her car door and igniting the engine quickly, trying to ignore the tears streaming down her cheeks. She swerved the car onto their dirt path, refusing to look into the review mirror to seen Clint's confused form standing in the middle of the road, staring after her retreating vehicle.

* * *

She burst through her apartment door, not even attempting to hold back the sobs. She hurriedly made her way to the kitchen, reaching to the top shelf to grab the bottle of vodka that she knew was there and quickly cast the lid aside before taking a large scull to try and calm herself down. After downing two more gulps she placed it onto the table, removing her jacket, feeling like her body was on fire. She ran a shaky hand through her hair, not knowing how to cope with these intense emotions.

She slid her back down the kitchen cupboards until she was curled up into a ball, resting her head on her knees and trying to suppress her sobs. This was too much.

She looked over to her jacket and spotted the tin box glinting in the light and hesitantly reached over to grab it. She pulled it into her lap and gently removed the lid, wiping her eyes hastily. After removing the contents, she unwrapped the bands from around the pile of photos before looking at each of them.

 _Clint looking over at her during training, both of them grinning evilly at each other._

 _Her holding Clint in a thigh deadlock, laughing at his tortured expression._

 _Clint passed out on her shoulder, her sleepy head resting on top of his, taken during an especially pointlessly long briefing after they had come back from a month-long mission._

 _Clint and her mid-fight, back to back, her in a strapless black gown, bloodied and torn at the side to reveal her thigh holster and he in his in a tuxe, both of them bloodied and bruised and staring determinedly around them, shooting at their enemies._

She don't where these came from but her hands shook as she leafed through the rest of them, no longer trying to hide back her tears.

She heard her phone buzz and leant over to see who'd messaged her:

 **I don't know why you left but I hope you're ok, and I'm sorry if something I said offended you.**

 **C.**

She swore in Russian before violently throwing her phone at her wall, taking satisfaction in watching it smash to pieces. Her body was exhausted from dealing with emotions and she was sick of it. She didn't want to feel like this, she was the bloody Black Widow. She was better than this.

But as she gazed down at the only photos that held her Clint, she couldn't help but feel like her life was over. It had been over the moment he'd met Laura in the hospital and though it might sound cliché, she knew it was because Clint was her life. He'd saved her from the horrible life she'd lived as a Red Room assassin and she knew she owed her sanity to him. He'd taught her to enjoy life to the fullest, to enjoy the beauty it held; music, art, love. _Love. His love._

She gathered the photos to her chest and rested her head onto her knees once more, no longer stopping the constant stream of tears down her face, tears for life that could've been.

If someone asked her right now what her biggest wish would be, it would be for just one more embrace, one more kiss from _her Clint_ , just one more. But it wasn't possible, her Clint was never coming back.

Clint had a family now, what did she have?

Pictures.

All she had were pictures, and a ring.

A ring that was meant for her but never came.

* * *

A/N: So don't worry, I too was a crying mess as I wrote this because I hate to write about my fav pairing like this but it came into my head after watching Age of Ultron and the weird relationship that was BruceNat, i had to find a reason why my two favourite characters would not get together after their chemistry in the first Avengers film. Unfortunately, this sad story is what I came up with.

I hope you liked it, I'll post the third (and maybe last, depending what I decide and how you guys react to it) chapter as soon as I can.

Please R&R, it really means a lot to me when you guys give me feedback, thanks for reading!

C xx


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you so much for making it this far and thank you so much for the following people who reviewed this story: shaneequa, It'sMeHereReally, LittleeOne, peanutbutterjamjellyyy, Ealasaid Una, Niom Lamboise, SweetSouthernCharm, Marvel-comic-girl, , wolftattoo, fidi and all the Guests who also reviewed thank you so much it really means a lot to me. Special thanks to LittleeOne for the very kind messages and ranting sessions about Age of Ultron :)

Please R&R! I really tried my best to update as soon as I could because I got so many lovely responses and messages for me to finish it.

I'm not sure if I'm going to continue the story on from here as I don't exactly know where it will go but if you have any ideas, please message me because that would be great :) If I did decide to continue on with it, I would probably make a seperate sequel so it could be viewed as an alternate ending.

The song to listen to whilst reading this is **Spiegel im Spiegel- Arvo Part** ( watch?v=Saxe2WllAuk) it's so sad and I thought it would really suit this last installment.

Please R&R!

* * *

Her small apartment in NYC had pretty much remained the same for the past couple of years and although she didn't like to think about it, it hadn't changed since Clint used to live with her. She couldn't bear to change anything, every time she tried to arrange a piece of furniture, like Clint's 'chair', she would always picture him telling her off, saying if she moved it to the right, he wouldn't have the tactical advantage of being the furthest from the window and the door at the same time. She would then smile sadly and continue her moping around her small space.

It was on one of her moping days that she heard a knock on the door and she tilted her head in confusion. It was Clint's knock, but they'd finished up their mission yesterday and Fury had given them a week off in which Clint and his family were vacationing on the coast, going to the beach and such.

She walked slowly to the door, unbolting all the different locks and swung the door open, her emotionless mask already in place, but she was really not prepared to see what stood before her.

Clint stood there, the huge bags under his eyes evident that he hadn't been sleeping and he looked exhausted. His hair was unruffled and he looked as if he hadn't shaved or showered in days. Someone tugged at the back of her mind though when she saw the way he was staring at her.

Like he was seeing her for who she really was.

'Tash.'

She felt herself choke up. Her mask dropped. Clint hadn't called her Tash since before the accident and suddenly all her emotions were catching up with her and she felt like there wasn't enough air around her, and recognised herself having a panic attack.

Clint looked so distraught and pained as he choked out, 'Tash, I remember.'

She was frozen, so much was happening all at once and she didn't know how to deal. All these supressed emotions were coming to the surface, all these emotions that she'd held down for so long and she could feel herself breaking and she wanted to run and hide.

He was her Hawk, just liked she'd dreamed about all these years, coming back to her with memories of them, but now it was so much more complicated and she knew it would never be that easy. She couldn't let herself get hurt again.

She stumbled back upon herself, something she'd rarely done but in this moment of weakness she felt like she couldn't control her body. Her throat was clogged up with emotion as she started to back away from him, 'No.'

He looked like he was about to cry and she was backing away quicker, her back hitting a wall, 'No, no.'

He took a step towards her and she quickly moved to the bathroom door.

'Tash!'

'NO!'

She ran inside and slammed the door shut, locking it behind her, tripping on her own feet and she shuffled backwards away from the door until she was in the very corner of the small bathroom, repeating that word over and over.

'Tash! Please!' She could hear the choking in his voice as he started to cry softly. She didn't even realise she herself was crying until she felt it drop onto her leg. She hastily wiped her cheeks, 'No, no, no, no.' Her voice croaked out weakly and she could feel her whole body shaking.

She knew he could kick down the door if he tried but instead she heard his back slide down the bathroom door and could hear him sobbing, echoing throughout her small apartment.

'Tash,' He sounded so broken, almost to the point of how she felt, 'Why didn't you tell me? About us?'

She sobbed before answering in a weak voice that she'd never really known could come from her before, 'You were so happy.'

'I could've been happy with you-'

'You had the life you'd always wanted! A normal wife, a family, kids that you could actually have that were actually yours! She was what you deserved! She made you happy' She let her head drop forward to rest on her knees, not even trying to hold back her sobs as she clutched her necklace with both her hands.

'You made that decision for me Tash! I could've been happy with you! You deserve happiness!'

'But you deserve it more than me! I love-loved you so much that I had to give you up so you would be happy-'

He slammed his hand against the floor beside him and she jumped a little, 'THAT WAS NOT YOUR DECISION TO MAKE!' There was a brief moment of silence in which she could hear his choked breathing, 'How could you do that to yourself? How could you let me do that to you? All these years.'

She tilted her head back, trying to blink the tears out of her eyes, 'I got through it because,' She thought of how happy he'd been over the past couple of years and knew she would still stand by her decision, even if it meant the cost of her own happiness, 'because you were finally living the life you deserved to live and by me stepping out of it, it made my decision easier. It broke me, but it definitely made it easier.' They were both sobbing by this point and she barely registered him breaking the lock and gasped when she saw his dishevelled form open the door.

They were both finding it hard to breath as they were both crying and he hesitantly approached her, knowing one wrong move and she could possibly be out of his life forever. He stepped toward her slowly before falling onto the floor in front of her, reaching up to try and wipe some of the tears from her face and she instinctively leaned into his touch, which brought on more tears. He acted quickly and scooped up her small body to pull her onto his lap, resting his forehead on the top of her head as they both cried, crying for a life together that could never be.

She was in so much pain and didn't know how to make it stop at this point, and didn't know if it ever could. For what seemed like hours, they sat there on their- _her_ cold bathroom floor in a tight embrace, reminiscing in the memories their bodies had between them.

Clint was silent for a moment before he softly croaked out, 'How did you do it? How did you get through it?'

She took a long shaky breath before quietly responding in a broken voice, 'In an alternate universe, you and I end tragically, parting ways. In another, we're simply strangers on a busy street, brushing by close enough to send each other reeling off balance but not stopping. Another we are enemies who never get to know one another. But in one, one universe has us right, of all the millions stacked on millions. '

She lets a silent tear roll down her face before continuing, 'So it's not this one. I can live with that. I can live on the fact that you're leading your own life and family somewhere else, living the life you'd dreamed of without me. Maybe we'll cross each other's paths in years to come and catch up as old friends. But, maybe, when the stars align right, we'll fight for us and cross breaches between universes and worlds and finally be happy together. I'll build my life on that maybe. I'll live the rest of my life on that maybe.'

He was silently sobbing for a moment before he placed a shaky kiss on the crown of her head and she relished in this moment, it'd been so long.

'Tash, you made me happy. I was going to ask you to marry me.'

She burst into another wave of tears and collapsed further into his body, not knowing what she should do at this moment. On one hand, she knew this was so wrong, Clint has a family and he needed to forget about her, about them, and she needed closure. But on the other hand, she'd been denied this for so long and the way he embraced her was so familiar and warm, even after all these years. He was her hawk, and she was his spider.

She suddenly tensed up, this was wrong, he had a wife, he should be hugging her instead. She broke from their embrace, going against herself and moved away from him and wiping her eyes.

'This has to stop.' He was looking at her with mixed emotions: longing, hurt, pain, hopefulness, guiltiness, confusion, they all swirled over him. Neither of them knew what to do, they simultaneously wanted each other but knew too much had changed and they couldn't go back.

'But-'

'No Clint,' Her voice broke, 'We can't do this. You have a family waiting for you, depending on you. And right now, this is breaking my heart and I spend years getting over you…..and I still haven't succeeded. It's just me here and I'll-' she trailed off before whispering, 'I'll be fine.'

A heartbreaking silence filled the air and he tried to find something comforting to say to her, but he knew that nothing would make this better. He unwillingly pried his body from hers and drew himself into a standing position, his body slouched over in defeat, 'So what's done is done.'

His slow steps echoed eerily through the small apartment and she shook as she stood to lean on the bathroom counter, watching his crushed, retreating figure and knew that this moment would never come again, and she needed to get something off her chest. She quickly reached to her beloved arrow necklace and unlatched it, pulling her engagement ring from him off the chain and fiddling with it between her thumb and forefinger.

'I would've said yes.'

He froze, his hand on the door frame, and he slowly turned to face her, his face filled with anguish, 'What?'

She smiled sadly at him, 'I would've said yes, I would've married you.'

He tilted his head back, closing his eyes tightly as he tried to stop the tears from once again falling. He wiped a rough hand over his face, hesitating slightly as he looked back at her as if contemplating what to do next before he stormed back towards her and quickly captured her lips with his own, putting in all his pent-up passion that she hadn't felt from him in so long, relishing in the familiarity of their star-crossed love.

They were both crying at this stage and Natasha reluctantly broke their kiss to rest her forehead against his own, trying to catch her breath as he had literally taken her breath away.

His shaking hands gently took the ring from her own before sliding it onto her left hand ring finger. She bowed her head as she cried quietly, closing her eyes. It was so much to take in and she didn't know how much she could take and felt his soft lips pressing tightly against her forehead.

She reached her hands up to gently caress his cheeks, taking in this precious, final moment to remember forever.

'I'll always love you.' He whispered, his voice breaking as he too drew her close for the very last time.

'I'll love you forever, my hawk.' She croaked out, reaching up for one last gentle kiss before gently pushing him away from her and cradling herself with her cold arms, already hating his lack of warmth.

They gazed at each other for a long time before she whispered, 'Enough.' She slowly and painfully made her way to the door and held it open for him to exit through. He took a shaky breath before moving painstakingly through the frame, stopping to caress her cheek one last time before he walked through the frame, knowing that he'd never be able to come back here, it was time to move on.

She held his eye contact as she closed the door, looking up at his anguish-filled eyes until the last second and then the door locked shut. There was silence for a moment as each of them tried to gather themselves. He was the first to move and she pressed her forehead on the back of the door, taking deep breaths as she heard him slowly walk away from her apartment, _from her_.

 _From them._

 _Enough was enough._

She turned away from the door slowly and gently reached up to wipe the tears from her face, slowly pushing off the door and making her way silently into the bathroom once more.

She glanced up at her reflection in the mirror; her hair in a disarrayed halo around her face, her eyes red from crying, her lips swollen from their passionate kiss. She took a shaky breath and gently picked up the arrow necklace from where it was laid, lifting her arms to wrap it once again around her neck. This necklace was her lifeline to him and although it was never meant to be in this life, she would always hold on hope that maybe, somewhere out there, they were together, living out the life she'd always wanted.

To him, she was just one of the many important people in his life and she knew now that although he loved her, he had to put his family first, even if he secretly wished to be with her. She was his past, Laura was his present and his kids were his future. She would always come last.

But to her, he is- _was_ her life; her one, her only. Previously before Clint, she'd always thought love was for children and that the notion of soulmates was simply preposterous, but now, now she could understand. It was someone who meant to world to you, who was the world to you.

He was her world.

But she was no longer his.

She fiddled with the arrow between her fingers, watching it's reflection glint in the mirror before lifting it to her lips to press a kiss against it.

'Always and forever, my hawk.'

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry to leave it on a sad note but it's what I felt the story needed.

Please R&R what you think!

C xx


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